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Current Rants Past Rants Associated Tomfoolery The Suspects Worship Goes Here About the Ranter 365 |
Date:
September 18, 2002
Currently Thinking When I'm in charge, people owning cement shoes will be banned from living in the apartments around mine. Philosophy of the Day If life keeps beating you down take up sadomasochism. Current Celebrity Infatuation Jessica Alba. For being made out of 100% Yummy. |
The Value of
Bootyliciousness
I got into a conversation the other day with LeRou about the differences in needs between physical attraction and mental stimulation of a person before he or she can have a successful relationship. I don't think we figured out the ratio between them especially since it's very hard to keep an objective point of view on that subject when looking at her. However, in retrospect I'm more going to take the medium ground and say that I believe that it is 50/50. Hang on, I'll explain. I think of myself as a reasonably rational person, especially considering I'm a 20 year old male university student living on a campus with, in my opinion, some of the most beautiful women in the country. Never in my life has my head spun around so quickly that I can feel the vertibrae separating in my neck. It's also very hard to hold a meaningful conversation when my tongue is flopping around on the ground like some sort of demented eel out of water. But I'm getting off topic. Despite that, I hold a fairly objective opinion. We'd all like to meet that special someone. We all say that we just someone we can connect to or that we can hold a conversation with or at least, for god's sake, have a brain somewhere inside that person's head so that I can't hear the wind whistling between their ears (I can hear the ocean!). But we also want that person to be able to float our boat. There was a time, only a few years ago, where it was very chic to believe that the sign of being a good and better person than the brain dead slobs around you was that you saw beyond the physical exterior and looked solely for inner beauty. Nowadays if you told a girl that, she'd laugh so hard she'd squirt her low-fat decaf mocha-frappa-chino through her nose and call bullshit. The world is harder to live in. Where's the gullibility anymore? Even females aren't abashed when it comes to admitting that they look for physical attributes as a large requirement in a mate. Even most guys, and we're talking about the well-adjusted guys, not the the ones that keep their brains in a baggy in the freezer and let their weiners do all the thinking, will look for the personality in the girl of interest to compliment the looks. I know that for myself, I could never date someone below my general intelligence. I have to be able to hold a conversation with that person and I need to know they have ambition. But I need to be attracted to them too, by-gum. But unrealistic expectations will only result in letting yourself down. We know that the supermodel girl in every bedroom is unrealistic and, frankly, too much work. That's why most non well-adjusted guys will hit on anything that has two breasts and a blonde wig that could have been shaved of a skunk and dipped in beer (bonus!). It means that they're less likely to be shot down. And I have my weak moments too, I'll admit, but no one ever accused me of being well-adjusted. Take the bar scene for example. Now I'm not a regular to the pick-up-type bars anymore, but we all know what they're like with embarassing clarity. There are some instance where my brain just won't let those memories go, for godssakes. I'll be sitting, watching tv, quite content and happy and BAM, my brain will dredge up the time where I got bombed at a bar and screwed up while talking to a purdy young lady so badly that the next morning the only logical course of action was relocation to the Sahara desert. My brain will LOVE to bring this up as soon as I'm feeling clever. It's tough living inside my head, I tell you. Anyways, back to the point. What was the first thing that attracted to you to that person across the bar? I'll bet my left kidney that it wasn't "That person looks like they share my interest in pastel colours." It was the clothes that could double as a hankerchief, the hair with so much of what looks like the thickness and texture of motor oil massaged through it that he or she has to actively avoid open flame. And that pose. The overly-casual, carefully calculated, crossed-legged showing the perfect amount of too much-thigh and mirror-practiced expression of come-hither lips all spell it out. I'm enjoying hyphens today, are you? All the bar scenes that are aimed towards 19(in Canada) to 30 year old singles are overflowing with so much measured eye candy that the pheromones in any given place would make me think twice about striking a match. Anyone who can look at all that and still say that attraction is all mental is deaf, dumb and flaccid. "But Porkchop!" some would say, "That kind of attraction is only based on lust! Not love! And love is the basis for a relationship!" I really wish you people would stop using exclamation points so much. I can hear you fine, you know. I would agree to these people to a point. Love is the basis for a healthy relationship. However most, if not all, relationships do not begin with love. They begin with attraction that is some medium between the physical, social and personal levels. Every relationship needs some lust in it. Whether the beginning of that relationship is lust and the rest comes later, or a connection on a personal level, it's all just as valid. To determine what the proper ratio of lust and love should be in a relationship is to define exactly what the perfect relationship should be. This, of course, is impossible on an objective level. Each person could determine subjectively what the right amount of conversationalist to bootyliciousness is to them. Different people in different circumstances will alter that ratio to fit their needs and wants. The guy sitting at the bar 5 minutes before closing time wants to get laid. Pure and simple. As long as she isn't a serial killer then she probably has potential. She doesn't even need to be all that attractive to get his lust levels up. She could look like Albert Einstein in high heels and a tube top and he'd still give it a shot. I know my ratio. It's pretty much level on both sides. Take a lump of personality, add equal parts attractiveness (they work so well together and compliment each other so), add a pinch of sweetness, a whole bunch of common sense, a tolerance for a sense of humour such as mine, a cup of ambition and a pint of beer and BAM you have the future Mrs. Porkchop. The possibility of finding this coupled with the possibility of that person finding interest in me makes me tempted to change my ratio one way or the other just to increase my chances. After all, is it possible to find a perfectly balanced person or not? I'm not taking bets, but then I think that if I wait long enough... ohhh it'll so be worth it. It sucks now. But then again principles usually do. I'll keep mine the way they are and play the odds. Anyways I should stop typing now. The motor oil is blinding me. -Porkchop |